What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
