His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
