Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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