...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
