i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
