Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
