Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
