Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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