I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
