using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
