I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
