I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
