you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
