If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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