Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
