my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
