i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
