Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
