Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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