I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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