there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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