I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
