I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
