fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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