she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
