why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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