I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wish my penis had a tongue
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
