tell your sister to shave her snatch
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
