i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
