Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
