Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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