I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
