I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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