I could make wine with my vomit
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
