well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
