you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
