I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
