is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
