using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
