you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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