you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
