i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sext me about skeletons
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
