His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
