"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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