And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We got so high we made milksteak
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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