come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
