dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
