Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
