Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
