Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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