One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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