I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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