I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
